Come in From the Cold
Chapter 5
By the time Dan had a pile of kindling that would keep not only he and Mr. Maypenny warm all winter, but Jim's school as well, he was through feeling sorry for himself. Self pity was a weakness that Dan wasn't about to wallow in. It was stupid for him to get involved with Joeanne anyway-hadn't life showed him how dangerous emotional involvements could be? They were for other people, those not marked early on for heartache. What was he thinking?
Dan's thoughts were so morose that he walked right past Diana without a word.
"Hey!"
Dan jumped, dropping several pieces of wood, cursing when one landed right at the point his boot ended and his leg began.
Diana lifted one eyebrow ala Mr. Spock and began to help him as he restacked the wood in his arms.
"My rehearsal was cancelled, so I thought I'd see if Mart wanted to have lunch with his wife."
"School's that way," Dan muttered with a jerk of his chin, reaching the already large woodpile at the side of the cabin and dropping the latest kindling with a thud.
Diana sighed. "Yes, I know." She lightly touched Dan's shoulder. "How you doing?"
Dan got an expression that would have made most people take a step back. "Fine," he said shortly.
They moved into the clearing, the cold air causing their breath to expel in white plumes. Winter was announcing its presence early this year; Diana shivered in spite of her heavy coat.
"Let's go inside; you're cold," Dan said, trying to smile and failing completely.
"Okay." Obeying an impulse, Diana brushed a soft kiss on Dan's icy cheek.
In spite of himself, Dan felt a genuine smile tug at the corners of his mouth. "Oh, so you're feeling sorry for me, is that it?"
Diana took his arm and began to lead him into the cabin. "Oh, hush," she said, closing the door behind them. She gave him a tiny shove towards the sofa. "Sit down, and I'll make us some coffee."
Dan grinned. "I have a better idea," he said. "Sit."
He disappeared into the kitchen while Diana sat, and reappeared a moment later with a brown, earthenware jug.
"Bet you didn't know Maypenny has a still," he cracked, flopping down next to Diana, who had begun to laugh.
"Oh my God, Dan. It's barely lunchtime!" Diana protested.
Dan pulled the cork and took a swig, grimacing as the liquor hit his belly like a mini atomic bomb. "So?" he croaked, unceremoniously wiping the top of the bottle with his sleeve and handing it over to Diana. He grinned evilly. "Or are you too much of a big time Broadway star to stoop to this level?"
Diana's eyes lit up as Dan's grim expression disappeared. She had wanted, hoped, to cheer him up. Offer a little comfort. "Is that some kind of challenge, Danny boy?"
Dan shook his head slowly. "Nope. Don't know what I was thinking. This stuff's not for women, that's for sure." He made to take the bottle back.
Diana tilted her head back and took a healthy swig, coughing and gasping as molten fire raced down her throat and through her esophagus. "Whew!" she exclaimed, coughing and wheezing while Dan laughed. "At least I'm not cold anymore!"
She handed the jug back and watched silently while Dan took another swallow. "So, have you talked to Joeanne?" she ventured.
"Nope."
"Have you tried to talk to Joeanne?"
"Yep. Left a few messages. Drove over to her place that night. She wasn't there."
"Where is she now?"
"Don't know."
Diana was disturbed at the flatness of his voice. "What are you going to do now?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
Dan took another belt and handed the jug back. "I didn't do anything wrong," he said, his expression hardening.
Diana took a tiny sip, but it made her cough anyway. "I know you didn't do anything wrong. But Dan, you have to talk to her!"
Dan stared moodily into the fire. "Obviously, she doesn't want to talk to me. She didn't even give me a chance to explain. Just ran off." He remembered the look of anguish in her eyes, heard again the terrible sound of Joeanne's face smashing into the door, and felt something come apart inside.
Diana sighed. "She must have been very upset," she began.
Dan stood and moved unsteadily towards the fireplace, throwing on another log as sparks shot upwards. "I wasn't real thrilled either, Di."
Diana suddenly felt woozy, as if the top half of her skull had lightly separated from the bottom half and floated away.
Dan sat back down next to her on the worn, comfortable sofa and took another healthy belt of the homemade liquor. "I don't know what I was thinking anyway," he mumbled, passing the bottle over.
Diana took another drink-it didn't burn as much this time. "Whadya mean?" she asked. She was starting to feel very warm.
Dan shrugged. "Ya know-thinking it could work out. That we were gonna stay together." His voice wasn't doing much better than Diana's.
Diana peered at him; Dan was becoming slightly fuzzy around the edges. " 'S gonna be okay, Dan-o. Just tell her…"
"Forget it! I should just go back to playing the field. Not everybody gets to have forever, ya know. And obviously, not me."
Diana shook her head and immediately wished she hadn't. "Whatdya mean, obviously not you? You're a great person, Dan. You have a lot to offer." She tried to aim a light punch at his shoulder, but only managed to hit air. "You're just getting a little drunk, that's all."
"Getting? Darlin', I am drunk," Dan corrected, taking another swig.
Diana couldn't help it, she started to giggle. "So am I!" she admitted, giving a little hiccup.
The two friends laughed together, Dan putting an arm around her. "You're a good friend, Di. And it's sweet of you to say those things."
"I didn't say them to be sweet. I said them because they're true," Diana protested. She looked at Dan and hesitated. "Do you…are you saying that…" she floundered, her head starting to spin. Did Dan honestly think that he would never have a real relationship, that he shouldn't even hope for one? That he was only meant for tragedy and sadness?
"Dan, it isn't true," she mumbled. She reached for the liquor, but Dan put it out of her reach.
"Mart's gonna kill me," Dan muttered. "What's not true, sweetheart?"
Diana stared at him fuzzily. "You get to be happy," she said. "You're gonna talk to Joeanne and straighten this out and everything's gonna be okay. I have…" she let out a loud burp. "Spoken!"
Dan smiled gently. "She doesn't trust me, Di. That's the bottom line, isn't it?" He stood up. "I'm going to make you some coffee. Sit tight."
When he returned, he found Di stretched out full length on the couch. Mart is really gonna kill me, he thought. "Come on, Di. Sit up and drink some of this."
Diana slowly sat up. "I'm awake," she protested. She accepted the steaming mug and took a careful sip. "Sit down," she suddenly ordered, patting at the spot next to her.
"Oh no…am I in for another lecture?" Dan said, setting down his own mug.
Diana nodded dreamily, and Dan sat down.
"Dan, did I ever tell you about how I first came to join the BWGs?"
Dan nodded. "Sure."
Diana took another, longer sip of coffee before continuing. "Mart's in the middle of writing about it, so we've been talking about it a lot. Dan, I was really lonely before I joined the club."
Dan nodded again. "I know. So was I."
"But it wasn't just that. I was starting to feel like it was my fault. Almost like I was being punished for something."
Dan sighed. "Diana, I get it. And I don't think I'm being punished. I'm just trying to be realistic."
Diana reached over and took his hand. "Dan, it's not being realistic to think you're not supposed to have Joeanne in your life. Just like it wasn't realistic of me to think I'd never have friends again." She took a deep breath. "You're not being realistic at all. You're just being scared."
Dan stared at her incredulously. "Scared? Of what?"
"Coming in from the cold," Diana replied softly.
Dan abandoned the coffee and took another hit from the jug. "Don't know what you're talking about."
The fire hissed and popped, the warm light dancing over the simple walls of the cabin that, other than the time he spent living away at college, had been his home for over 10 years. Now that he was back in school, he was commuting several days a week, but with winter coming on so fast, he was considering other options. Mr. Maypenny didn't really need him here, after all.
"I was very nervous at first, about joining the club," Diana continued. "I was worried that I wouldn't fit in. Or that they'd decide they didn't really want me after all. I almost felt like I'd be better off being alone, because at least that way I wouldn't disappoint anyone."
Dan didn't bother denying the implication, and merely took another draught of the potent liquor. "She doesn't trust me, Di," he repeated. His head started to spin in the warm room.
"I don't think that's true, Dan."
Dan stared at his hands. "She left me," he muttered hoarsely, his chest constricting at the thought.
"Oh, Dan; come on. Okay, yes, she should have given you a chance to explain. But Dan, it's a pretty primitive thing seeing the man you love with someone else."
Dan started to protest and Diana held him off. "I know you weren't! But Dan, imagine how it looked. Imagine how she must have felt seeing you guys! What if it was reversed? How would you feel if you opened a door and there Joeanne was in bed with some guy?"
Dan allowed himself to imagine the moment and was immediately flooded with such savage emotion that he almost couldn't breathe.
Bastard! he heard Joeanne moan again, imagining only too well what he himself would say under similar circumstances. Only after beating the living hell out of the guy she was with, that is.
As if reading his mind, Diana continued, "I mean, I'm sorry, but if I found Mart in bed with some woman? I'd drag her out by her hair, kick her all the way down the stairs and then go postal on Mart's ass!" Diana's chest heaved and her eyes flashed as she let herself get caught up in the moment.
"Cut!" Dan said, holding up his hand.
Diana snapped back into the moment and started to chuckle. "Hallie's lucky that Joeanne is obvously more understanding than me!" she said. Then she frowned, thinking about her friend. By the time Diana woke up that morning, Hallie had already fled for Crabapple Farm. Something unimaginable must be going on with her life for her to do something so foolish.
"I guess I see what you mean," Dan said, smiling crookedly. Then he scowled. "I've left a bunch of messages on her cell, but she hasn't called back. She's not home…how can I talk to her if I don't know where she is?"
Diana thought for a moment, then it struck her. "I'll bet I know where she is! She's probably gone to the Smith's farm!"
Dan's eyes widened and he smacked his forehead. "Of course; why didn't I think of that?" he exclaimed. His head spun as he tried to sort his thoughts. Okay, Jim has the address. I'll walk over there right now and get it…
He lurched to his feet, and Diana suddenly realized that Dan was reeling drunk.
"Dan, wait," she exclaimed, jumping to her own feet. The room spun crazily for a moment as Dan headed for the door, Diana in close pursuit.
Dan jerked open the door just as Regan and Mart began to knock on it. "Hey!" Dan exclaimed, swaying and grinning.
Mart's eyes widened as Regan's head jerked away from the intense alcohol fumes. "You smell like a distillery!" Regan hissed, grabbing his nephew's shoulder in a hard grip. "Are you drunk?"
Diana spilled out of the doorway and into Mart's startled arms. "Sweetie, I came to have lunch with you," she said, almost knocking him off his feet.
For a moment there was chaos as the four tried to figure out what they were all about.
"You're drunk!"
"Diana, have you been drinking?"
"I'm just a little drunk!"
"Outta my way; I gotta go talk to Jim…"
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Regan finally roared, and the group fell silent, Diana, Mart and Dan staring in wonder at the older man. They had never seen him so furious.
Regan's eyes were blazing as they stared into the startled ones of his only nephew. "Do you think this is the best way to handle your problems? By drinking them away?" he demanded, grasping his other shoulder and shaking him.
"Uncle Bill, calm down…." Dan began helplessly. It suddenly occurred to him that other than a very rare beer, he'd never seen his uncle drink anything, and had certainly never seen him drunk.
"I won't have it. Do you hear me? I won't go through this again! I…" Bill Regan suddenly broke off, aware that everyone was gazing at him in a manner not unlike a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Without another word he stalked off, muttering and cursing.
Dan stared after him uncertainly, his legs suddenly weak. "My head," he suddenly murmured, beginning to sway.
Mart grasped one arm while Diana took the other and they led him back into the cabin.
"I have to talk to Jim," he began.
"You aren't going anywhere, Dan Mangan. That's all we need is for you to get yourself killed while driving drunk!" Diana exclaimed.
"Would somebody puh-leeze tell me what's going on?" Mart asked, his open face puzzled and concerned. He knew that his wife was stopping off at the cabin first. They were both very worried about Dan. But when she didn't show up, he decided to go over there himself, meeting up with Regan, who wanted to check up on his nephew. He didn't expect to find the two of them drunk in the middle of the day. And where was Dan off to in such a hurry?
They gently lowered Dan back onto the couch while Diana hastily explained her theory regarding Joeanne's whereabouts.
"Ah," was all Mart could think of to say. He folded his arms and looked at his wife, a reluctant smile crossing his face. "And you decided that getting drunk was a good idea?" he said mildly, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her into his side.
Diana snuggled her head down onto his shoulder. "My head hurts," she suddenly murmured, while Dan groaned from the couch.
Mart spied the jug and started to laugh. "You two were swilling moonshine? You're lucky you're not in a coma!"
"Marty, I don't feel very well," Diana said.
Mart lowered her next to Dan and stood over them. "Dan, you aren't going anywhere until you sober up. Di…" he stopped and shook his head. Diana had passed out, her head dropping into Dan's lap.
"Oops," Dan said weakly. "Uh…I guess I shouldn't have let her have any hooch, huh?" The mysterious confrontation with his uncle had the effect of a pail of ice water dumped over him. He figured a cold shower and a couple of hundred cups of coffee should set him right.
Mart sat next to her and gently transferred her head into his own lap. "Diana's right, Dan. Promise me you won't go up there until you've completely sobered up. Okay?"
Dan nodded, a wistful smile crossing his face as Mart stroked the hair out of Diana's face. His longing to see Joeanne, even if she threw something at him, was suddenly so intense that he could barely speak. "I'm not stupid. Even if I do get my best friend's wife so drunk she passes out!"
Mart smiled and continued to lightly stoke Diana's forehead. "Whatever. She's a big girl. And she's going to have a big hangover when she wakes up too!" He glanced at his watch and frowned. "Damn, I've got to get back to work. I've got another class in 20 minutes."
"I'll take care of her. It's going to be a few hours before I can go anywhere," Dan said stoutly. As anxious as he was to see his girlfriend, he knew that driving anywhere in his condition was a very bad idea.
"I'll get that address for you and be back here in a few hours," Mart promised, easing Diana's head onto the couch as he rose. He took the blanket that Dan handed him and covered her up while Dan lifted her feet onto the couch.
Dan stood in the doorway for a long time after Mart left, deep in thought. He decided not to call first, just hit the road and show up, take his chances. Joeanne was going to talk to him even if he had to tie her down first. He loved her too much not to fight for her. Maybe he didn't do anything wrong, but being right wasn't going to keep him company on a long, endless night, was it?
His thoughts turned to his uncle, filling him with confusion. The other man's reaction had completely taken him by surprise. And no stranger to pain himself, he knew it was personal anguish he'd seen briefly in Uncle Bill's face.
Not for the first time Dan found himself wondering about Bill Regan's past. He knew only a little about his only living relative. Knew that he'd been an orphan and that he'd been separated from Dan's mother, his older sister, and placed in several foster homes before finally running away.
Dan's face tightened. He'd run away from a foster home himself, ending up on the streets and eventually joining up with a gang. Although he knew there was such a thing as a good foster home, Jim's school being one shining example, he also knew that the system was terribly burdened, both with an abundance of kids needing homes, and a lack of homes to send them to.
Dan made up his mind to have a good, long talk with his uncle. But first, he had to make everything right with Joeanne. Because, he knew, if he didn't have her in his life, he didn't have any life at all.
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