Thank you, everyone, for all the emails and posts on this story. Y'all really know how to make a girl feel special!
A big thank you to all the fanfic writers who keep on pushing the envelope, and setting a standard of excellence that I can only try to live up to. I am truly in awe of the talent in our Trixie communities. "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!"
And special thanks to my intrepid editor Kyrie, who fixes my commas, and sometimes even my dinner!!
Come in From the Cold
I know we never will be perfect
Never entirely clear
We get hurt and we just panic
And we strike out
Out of fear
I fear the sentence of this solitude
200 years on hold
(for my loving crime)
Oh and all we ever wanted
Was just to come in from the cold
--Joni Mitchell
Joeanne let out a sound of
disgust as she looked at her cell phone. Obviously
she hadn’t turned it off the last
time she used it, and now it was as dead the proverbial doornail.
She was
about to go ask Mary for the use of a phone when she remembered the extra
battery she always carried. Her
eyes filled up when she remembered Dan teasing her about being such a boy scout.
He couldn’t understand how somebody with an office as messy as hers
could be so meticulous in every other way.
Joeanne was the type who always had extra light bulbs in her closet, an
umbrella in her purse and change for the parking meter.
Please
help me, God. Make everything okay,
Joeanne thought as she popped the old battery out and replaced it with the new. The phone lit up, and she saw immediately that she had
messages. Her heart leapt into her
throat; was one of them from Dan? Please
let it be from Dan! Trembling, she
punched in her access code.
“Joeanne, it’s Dan!
I don’t know what Hallie is up to, but
I swear there is nothing but friendship between us.
I didn’t even know she was there until I woke up!
Please believe me. Jo, I
love you. I would never do
something like that; you’ve gotta believe me.
Call me. Please.”
“Where
are you? Honey, call me.
We have to talk about this. If
you don’t believe me, just ask Hallie. I
don’t know what’s going on with her. Jo, I haven’t even talked to her in
months. Give me a call.”
“It’s
Dan. I can’t believe this is
happening. You haven’t called me,
so I guess I have my answer.” There was a pause.
“Damn it, this isn’t fair! I didn’t do anything.
Why is this happening?” There was another, longer pause.
“Sorry. Listen, forget it. I just want to say that I never cheated on you.
I never did, and I never would. But
I guess that doesn’t matter now. You
don’t trust me. Goodbye, Joeanne.”
Joeanne
made a small noise as the phone slipped from her hand and bounced on the bed.
She closed her eyes and she was back.
Back in Dan’s bedroom, staring down at two figures.
But this time, she saw. Saw
that Dan was wearing a ratty old tee shirt.
Saw that the look on his face when he awakened was one of pure confusion. He was genuinely shocked by the sight of Hallie Belden.
Mary’s
words came back to her with the force of a hammer. You ought not have run off like that…
Gotta
call him. Gotta call him.
Oh God, does he hate me? Oh
Dan, I do trust you. I do! I just
freaked out.
Joeanne cursed as her hands shook so much that she dialed a wrong number.
She forced herself to take two deep, healing breaths then tried again.
But she
only got his voicemail. Damn!
She knew
that trust was a huge issue with Dan, and she wondered if he’d ever be able to
forgive her. Her hands clenched at
her side as she thought about a time when they were first together…
“Please tell me why you ran from the
court today, and why you get such a sad expression sometimes.”
“I don’t mean this sarcastically; I
just really need to know. Why is
this so important to you?”
“I told you; I have a low tolerance
for your pain. I’m worried about
you. And, I guess I need to know
that you trust me...”
He
has to forgive me. That’s just
all there is to it. I have to find
him, and we have to work it out,
Joeanne thought, suddenly determined. Her
love for Dan was strong and steady. She
threw her phone back into her purse and stood up, locating her shoes and getting
them back on. It was time to find
him and make everything all right.
(we pause now for a message from a fanfic reader--Marsha from Ohio would like to slap Hallie. SMACK!! We now rejoin our story, already in progress.)
***
She
says you hurt her so
She
almost lost her mind
But
now she says she knows
You’re
not the hurting kind
She
says she loves you
And
you know that can’t be bad
She
loves you
And
you know you should be glad
Wooooooo!
--The Beatles
Dan peered through the windshield blearily, hoping he was almost there. He had the worst headache he’d ever had, and his body was screaming at him for sleep. But there was no way he could rest until he’d talked to Joeanne. Even if she refused to listen to him, even if she started throwing large objects at him, he was going to try. Diana was right. Joeanne couldn’t be blamed for her actions. Nobody could be rational after seeing their boyfriend in bed with somebody else!
Dan felt
worry claw at him again and ruthlessly pushed it down, where it churned with the
acid in his stomach. If she
didn’t believe him, he’d… he’d… well, he would
just make her believe him. That’s
all.
He
glanced at the hastily scrawled directions again and turned off onto a country
road. The snow-covered farmland was
soothing and pretty. It had stopped
snowing, and the weakly setting sun was casting its golden light onto the now-white barns
and farmhouses.
She
doesn’t trust me. She ran away,
a persistent voice whispered to him as he approached what he hoped was the
Smiths’ farm. He double-checked
the address and felt something within him release.
It was the right address. He
was here.
“Shut
up,” Dan said out loud, turning off the engine and sitting there a moment,
garnering his strength. He slowly
got out of the car, taking deep breaths of air so clean it hurt his lungs.
He approached the farmhouse and froze, his heart beating wildly.
Joeanne
was exiting the house, calling over her shoulder to somebody inside.
She shut the door and stopped, spotting Dan.
For a
long moment, neither of them moved. Dan
could hardly breathe as he forced his feet to move.
Right, left, right, left…
Joeanne’s
stomach hurt so bad she thought she would faint. She simply could not move, could only stare as Dan came
closer and closer. How did he
know I was here? she wondered, wildly.
Dan
looked like he’d been up for a week. His
hair tumbled into his bleary eyes, he was unshaven and his clothes were rumpled
and creased. He was the most
beautiful thing she had ever seen.
Dan’s
heart fell at the absolute stillness of her.
Her face was pale, and she looked like she was staring at a ghost.
Unexpectedly, he felt anger flare and fill every corner of his being.
He didn’t do anything wrong. Why
should he have to explain himself? What
was he doing here anyway…
Joeanne
suddenly felt her paralysis break and happiness fill her.
“Dan!” she cried, closing the gap between them and flinging herself
at him. She pressed her face into
his chest and began to sob as her emotions completely overwhelmed her.
“My love,” she whispered.
Of all
the reactions Dan had been gearing himself up for, this was the most completely
unexpected. He stood there numbly,
his arms dangling at his sides as Joeanne clung to him. Anyone watching the couple would have thought him completely
unfeeling, his face almost mean as he struggled to understand what was
happening.
Joeanne
was so happy it took her a moment to realize that Dan wasn’t responding.
When her body finally registered his stiffness, she loosened her hold and
began the torturous process of pulling herself away from him.
It
was a very bad time for us, she again heard Mary say, sadness filling her soul.
No, she thought, tiredly. No.
Dan’s
mind hadn’t caught up, his body understanding the loss before he could make
cognitive sense of it. His vocal
chords were apparently inoperative as well, but his actions spoke volumes.
Joeanne
could hardly breathe as Dan’s arms went around her, crushing her into him,
stopping her retreat. His mouth
came crashing down onto hers, and they kissed for a long time.
“You’re
here. Thank God, you’re here,”
Dan finally said, his hand roughly passing over her hair as she lay her head on
his shoulder, her lips tender, heart glad.
“I was
just leaving,” was all Joeanne could think of to say. She closed her eyes and pressed into him, the feeling of
relief almost undoing her.
“Where
were you going?”
“To
find you. I got your messages, and
I had to find you. Oh Dan, I’m
sorry I left. I’m sorry I
didn’t give you a chance to explain.”
Dan
closed his eyes, realizing how badly he needed to hear her say exactly that.
“Don’t… don’t run out on me again.”
His voice roughened. “Too
many people have left my life. I
can’t… just… don’t do it.”
Joeanne’s
heart broke at the desolate tone in Dan’s voice, filled with wonder at the
sudden knowledge that for the first time in her life, somebody else’s
happiness meant more to her than her own. Nothing
mattered but that Dan was happy. Nothing.
“I love you so much,” she whispered.
She circled his neck and looked deeply into his eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said firmly.
The thought didn’t frighten her, and she rejoiced at the unexpected
feeling of freedom the declaration gave her.
Dan was
almost frightened at the surge of sensation filling him.
He found himself unexpectedly remembering how he first came to
Sleepyside. The long, uncomfortable
ride with a man he didn’t even know. A
man who claimed to be family.
Family.
Something he had long known he would never have again.
He had
inwardly cursed his clutching at hope, mentally reminding himself what happens
when you believe in happy endings, ruthlessly squashing his feelings until they
were a mean little knot lodged in between his heart and his belly.
By the time they had reached Sleepyside Dan had recoiled at the
accidental glimpse of his face in the rearview mirror; the hard, mean expression
filling him with a disgust approaching full self-loathing.
Who could possibly care for an outcast like him?
He
didn’t believe, then, that he had any claim to love.
Slowly, over time, his uncle and his new friends had forced him to change
his mind, but in his heart of hearts, he didn’t really believe he could ever
have happily ever after.
Until
now.
He bent
his head and kissed her, not roughly as before, but softly.
They both forgot the cold as he slowly explored every inch of her mouth
as if for the first time, his hand moving up and down her back and hips as his
tongue twined leisurely against hers.
“Dan,”
she said with aching sweetness when he finally lifted his head.
She wanted to crawl inside his skin; she wanted to brand her name on his
heart.
“Move
in with me,” he whispered, caressing her bruised cheekbone with his thumb.
His breathing quickened even more when she moved against him,
instinctively pushing herself into his arousal.
“Yes,”
Joeanne murmured. “Oh yes, I want
that. I want to be with you,
Dan.” She felt as if she was
liquefying, her body aching with tender need.
She could feel her individual veins throbbing with life as she snuggled
into him.
“Then
let’s go home,” Dan replied, a smile splitting his face.
“Mine
or yours?” Joeanne asked with a smile. She
laughed joyfully at his reply.
“The
one with the closest bed. If I
don’t make love to you very soon, I’m going to explode!” Dan said, his
face lighting up with joy.
He led
her to his car, their arms around each other, not saying a word.
Not needing to.
“We’ll
figure out what to do with your car later,” he said, giving her one more
lingering kiss before opening the door and helping her inside.
He walked around to his side, kicking up a little snow just to watch the
flakes catch the last of the sun like tiny sparks.
He slid
behind the wheel and turned over the ignition, enjoying the feel of Joeanne’s
hand pressing onto his thigh as he backed out of the driveway.
Diana's
right. He smiled, thinking about another black haired woman who was
special to him. He hoped her hangover wasn't too severe. It’s
time. It’s time to claim
my happiness. It’s time to come
in from the cold.
The music that you gave me
The language of my soul
Oh Lord, I want to be with you.
Won't you let me come in from the cold?
--Supertramp
Author's notes:
Come in From the Cold - lyrics and music by the mighty Joni Mitchell
She Loves You - lyrics and music by John Lennon & Paul McCartney, performed by The Beatles (yeah yeah yeah!)
Even in the Quietest Moments - lyrics and music by Roger Hodgson & Rick Davies; performed by Supertramp
Oh, and regarding the little interruption...it was all Marsha's idea--she wrote that line, and I couldn't resist putting it in. Thanks, Marsha! :)
Note: Trixie Belden® is a registered trademark of Random House Books. These pages are not affiliated with Random House Books in any way. These pages are not for profit. All stories copyright © Mary, 1999 - 2004. All rights reserved.