Many thanks to Kyrie for editing this and putting up with my needy writer mode. And thank you to the readers for all the nice comments and/or emails. You guys are all fab, and make me feel like I too have come in from the cold!
Come in From the Cold
Epilogue
I feel your leg under the table
Leaning into mine
I feel renewed, I feel disabled
By these bonfires in my spine
I don't know who the arsonist was
Which incendiary soul
But all I ever wanted
Was just to come in from the cold
--Joni Mitchell
"Can you believe we're actually on our way to Dan and Joeanne's dinner party?" Trixie said, stressing the 'and' and clapping her hands together like a little kid on Christmas morning.
Jim smiled. "It's just a dinner, Trix." He took the exit that would take them into White Plains.
But Trixie just smiled to herself. Out of all of Dan's friends, she alone knew the depth of Dan's feelings about romantic relationships. She alone had wanted to crack him upside the head on more than one occasion when he would calmly inform her that he wasn't the true love type; that it wasn't in the cards for a guy like him. He was taking a leap of faith, and Trixie couldn't be happier for her old friend.
Then she sighed. She would sure miss her neighbor. Even though White Plains was only a short drive away, it wouldn't be the same without Dan walking over whenever he felt like sharing coffee and conversation. And with him living away from the preserve and taking classes, how would they find the time for a quick horse ride?
Jim glanced over and quietly sighed at Trixie's lightening fast change of mood. "Hey, you're not supposed to be mooning over some other man right in front of me," he teased, reaching over and laying his hand on her still-flat stomach.
Trixie laughed, feeling a bit silly at the moisture that had suddenly pooled in her eyes. "I know. It's stupid, isn't it? I'm acting like he's moving to another country or something." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and leaned back into the car seat. "I know we'll still see him all the time. It's just...I don't know. Sometimes I think I just can't handle change."
Jim hooted. "You? You've got to be kidding. I don't think I've ever experienced two weeks the same since I've met you!"
Not having a reply, Trixie settled for blowing a raspberry as they pulled up to the house Dan and Joeanne had recently rented.
"How is it that we live the closest, but we're the last ones to show up?" Jim said, noticing the other cars already parked out front as they exited the vehicle. His green eyes gleamed as he posed the question.
"Hmmm...I wonder if it had anything to do with a certain shower that ended up taking three times longer than normal?" Trixie replied. She tossed her curls, adding, "Of course, if you'd rather I never bother you in that way again..."
"No, no. Be my guest," Jim said, so hastily that Trixie had to laugh.
A dark-haired girl that looked a great deal like Joeanne answered the door, and Trixie let out a squeal.
"Sally! Oh my God, we haven't seen you in so long!" Trixie handed Jim the bottle of wine she was carrying so she could hug Joeanne's younger sister.
"Hi Trixie, Jim. Come on in. Joeanne's fussing in the kitchen. You know her--everything has to be perfect." Sally said, rolling her eyes. She took their coats and hung them in the entryway closet.
"I'll go see what I can do," Trixie said, leaving Jim and Sally talking. She retrieved the wine and turned left, walking into the kitchen where Joeanne was peering into the stove. She jumped when she heard Trixie's greeting.
"Oh, you startled me!" she said, looking slightly harried.
"Anything I can do to help?" Trixie asked, amused. She waggled the bottle of wine. "Like, pour you a glass of wine so you can relax?" She spotted a corkscrew on the countertop and began to open the bottle without further ado.
Joeanne smiled. "I probably look like I need one, don't I?" She sighed suddenly. "How do women get everything to finish all at the same time? And look at this kitchen. It's a disaster area!" There were salad fixings all over the counter, rolls waiting to go into the oven and the pies Honey had brought.
Trixie laughed reassuringly. "I don't know how Moms does it either. Let's face it, Jo--some of us just aren't cut out to be Susie homemaker." She handed Joeanne a glass of the deep red brew. "Besides, there are more important things in life. You make Dan very happy, and that's good enough for me." She began to shred lettuce into a bowl. "Let me help you. Sit down and relax for a second."
Joeanne's eyes moistened at the other woman's words. "Thank you, Trixie. Coming from you, that means a lot. Your opinion means a lot to Dan, you know."
Honey and Diana came into the kitchen at that point, Sally on their heels. "The men are deep into a discussion of hunting rifles. I know you said you didn't need us to do anything, but puh-leeze, Joeanne. I'm begging you!" Honey said with a laugh.
"Gee, did you know that the walnut stock with a fourteen and a half pull length, a 1-inch decelerator recoil pad and a double square bridge receiver with dovetail scope mounts is the way to go? For the love of God, let me set the table!" Diana said with a dramatic swoon as the other women convulsed with laughter.
"Marriage to Mart has ruined you. I didn't understand a word you said!" Trixie said in mock awe. She didn't want to admit that not only did she understand it, she felt a well-designed stock made for much better recoil.
Joeanne found herself surrounded by Dan's friends, and before she knew it, the table was set, the candles lit and the after dinner coffee was all set to go with just a push of a button. "Dan said they were all for one and one for all," she whispered to her sister. It wasn't that she didn't like it, but it was going to take some getting used to. The easy friendship shared by all of them was something she was still a little in awe of. And the fact that they were so accepting of her presence in their tight knit group was amazing. Of course, she did have some history with Diana, Trixie and Jim. But still...
"Don't mind us. We're a pushy lot," Trixie said, her voice cheerful as she picked up the large salad bowl.
Joeanne jumped a little. "No, not at all!" she protested, taking her roast out of the oven and transferring it to a serving platter.
The males were lured away from their hunting conversation by the enticing smells and crowded into the kitchen, where they were promptly shooed into the dining room.
Finally, they all gathered around the table, joining hands for the blessing.
"Anyone but Mart. Otherwise, the food will go cold and our hair will turn gray!" Trixie said, expertly avoiding her brother's kick from under the table.
"Uh...I'll do it," Dan said, clearing his throat. His eyes quickly roamed the table for a moment. Honey and Brian sat to his right. Funny how he actually had a bit of a crush on Honey when he first arrived in Sleepyside, so long ago. She was the first of the Bob Whites to accept him, treating him with a kindness that he initially mistook for sarcasm. He felt her hand quietly resting in his and thought how wrong he'd been. Next to them, Mart and Diana, the unlikely couple who somehow worked so well. Would he and Joeanne compliment each other like they did; Diana's beauty, playfulness and empathy meshing with Mart's intelligence, wit and an unexpected gentleness? He couldn't ask for better friends. Trixie and Jim sat across from them, and Dan knew that no matter what happened in his life, they would always be there for him. Trixie was as fiercely loyal a friend as anyone could hope for, and Dan honestly wondered what his life would be like if she wasn't in it. Sally and Joeanne completed the circle and Dan tightened the hand holding that of his girlfriend's, so happy he almost couldn't stand it. In spite of all his experiences and everything he had gone through in his life, when it came to this, simply being in love with a woman who happened to love him back, he felt as young and inexperienced as a schoolboy. Please God, don't let me screw this up. Please!
"Dan, it doesn't have to be the preamble to the Constitution!" Mart quipped.
Dan came out of his reverie and shot his best friend a smile. "Shut it," he said amiably. He bowed his head and everyone followed suit.
"May you work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been
hurt, dance like no-one is watching,
screw like it's being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman," Dan said in
a solemn voice.
"Dan!" Joeanne said, trying not to laugh and failing completely.
"My dad used that one," Dan replied. "It's an old Irish blessing."
"Works for me," Brian said, reaching for the bowl of rolls in front of him. He took one and passed them on. "It's short and has some good points." He leaned into Honey and whispered, "Especially the part about being filmed!"
The time flew as the food was consumed amidst much laughing and appreciation. The guys insisted on cleaning up afterwards and Joeanne, Trixie, Honey, Diana and Sally weren't about to argue with them.
"Humph, I guess men are good for some things," Sally mumbled as they all found places to sit in the living room. She was still a little upset over her recent breakup with her boyfriend.
"I heard that!" Jim yelled from the dining room as he finished clearing the table, causing Sally to giggle.
"Honey brought homemade apple pie," Joeanne said, settling a pillow behind her back.
"Maybe in a bit. I'm so stuffed I can hardly move," Trixie said with a groan.
The conversation continued as the five women relaxed. Joeanne, up since six that morning, found herself almost drifting off as the easy talk swirled around her. Her dinner was a success and now she could actually enjoy herself. Suddenly, she involuntarily straightened as she heard Diana ask Trixie a question.
"So, Hallie is gone, huh?" Diana paled as the room fell silent, inwardly cursing her carelessness. "Oh Joeanne, I'm sorry. I didn't stop to think..."
"No," Joeanne said firmly. She looked around at all of them. "It's okay. Really it is."
Sally couldn't help it. "Good riddance," she muttered. Joeanne was her oldest sister and almost like a mother to her.
Trixie stiffened.
Joeanne took a deep breath. "Sally," she said. That was
all, but her tone was unmistakable.
Sally turned bright red. "Sorry," she mumbled to Trixie.
Trixie remembered that Sally was even younger than her brother Bobby. "It's okay," she finally said.
The room was uncomfortably silent for a moment. Trixie glanced at Honey, who cleared her throat.
"I'll go get us some pie, shall I?"
Joeanne nodded slowly. "That sounds good." She turned to Trixie. "Please, go ahead and answer Diana's question. Hallie is Dan's friend and I have to deal with that."
"Hallie's gone home to Idaho. Says she has a lot of thinking to do about her life," Trixie said. She thought about Hallie's last moments in Sleepyside.
"Trixie, I have to figure out what to do with my life. I'm going home for awhile and Cap and I are going back to Champion Creek. You remember that place, I'm sure!"
Trixie had shuddered, remembering the mystery they had all encountered there on that long ago camping trip. "Say hello to the Sasquatch!" she joked.
Hallie had smiled her first real smile in days. "I can think there better than anywhere on earth. And Cap says he has something important to ask me." Cap was an environmentalist and one of her older brothers. "I'm not ready to face Knut yet, so this will be perfect." Knut was the eldest of the three siblings.
Trixie nodded in understanding. She knew that nothing stung quite like the disapproval of her own oldest brother. She had no trouble imaging the quiet disappointment in Knut's brown eyes. "I'll miss you," she said, giving her cousin a hug. "Good luck," she whispered, kissing her cheek.
Hallie hugged her back tightly. "I'll miss you too. When you see Dan, tell him how sorry I am, okay?"
Trixie had pulled back in surprise. "You haven't talked to him at all?"
Hallie shook her head. "I don't think now is the time." She pressed a letter into Trixie's hand. "Just give this to him, please?" At Trixie's doubtful look, she added, "Trix, a phone call isn't going to do it. And how can I face him? I don't think he'd want to see me anyway."
Trixie had to know. "Hal, are you in love with Dan?"
Hallie bit her lip. "I don't know. I'm so confused right now. I know his friendship means everything to me. And I also know that given half a chance, I could fall completely in love with him. But I'm not going to get that chance, am I?"
Trixie shook her head. "I don't think so, sweetie. He really loves Joeanne. I don't see that changing."
Hallie's eyes fell, her shoulders jerking with a quickly suppressed sob. "I didn't think so. But that doesn't really matter. All I care about is that he doesn't hate me. Please Trix. Please give him the letter."
Trixie couldn't bear seeing someone she loved in pain. "On one condition." At the other woman's nod, she went on. "I give Joeanne the letter and it's up to her whether or not Dan reads it."
Hallie nodded slowly. "Fair enough." The cab she had ordered finally arrived, and she again waved off Trixie's objections that she could drive her to the airport. She slung her bag into the back seat and slid in next to it, sticking her head out of the window. "Goodbye, Trixie. Love you."
"I love you too," Trixie had replied, watching until the cab was well out of sight. She fingered the letter in her hand and thought about Joeanne. Trixie had a strong awareness of Joeanne's sense of fair play, knew of her commitment to justice. She could only hope that emotion didn't cloud her judgment, but she supposed she couldn't blame the other woman if she ripped the letter Hallie had probably spent hours agonizing over to shreds.
"Joeanne, this isn't any of my business, but can I just tell you how sorry Hallie is? It's no excuse, I know that, but she's going through a really rough time right now. She never meant to hurt anybody." Trixie's voice was earnest as she leaned forward in her chair, her hands waving to punctuate her point.
Joeanne felt her stomach tighten. "Yeah, well..."
Trixie nodded. She couldn't expect Joeanne to forgive the woman who had almost ruined her life. Family loyalty warred within her for a moment and she pushed it down. "Joeanne, I'm just going to say one more quick thing and then the subject is dropped forever unless you ever want to talk about it. I refuse to let this ruin our friendship."
"Oh Trixie, I don't want this to affect our friendship either!" Joeanne cried, relieved.
"Would you like me to leave the room?" Diana asked quietly.
"No," Joeanne and Trixie both said, then smiled at each other.
"I hate secrets," Joeanne said, so firmly that the other women were surprised.
"I do too," Trixie added, a little grimly. She remembered a secret that almost destroyed her and shuddered. She shook off the memory and reached for her purse on the floor, rooting around until she located Hallie's letter. "Joeanne, Hallie asked me to give this to Dan, but I told her it was up to you. She agreed."
Joeanne took the envelope gingerly and was silent for a long moment. She glanced towards the kitchen where the playful banter of the guys was getting louder and more boisterous. "Thanks," she finally said, not knowing what else to do. Or think.
The arrival of Honey, followed by Dan, Brian, Mart and Jim with plates filled with dessert in their hands, curtailed any further discussion. Joeanne could barely swallow any of the delicious pie, suddenly feeling overwhelmed in the lively room. She wondered how she could politely get a few moments alone.
"What's wrong?" Dan whispered quietly to her.
She shook her head. "Nothing," she whispered back. "I'm just kind of tired."
She decided that she deserved a fun evening with good friends and resolved to stop thinking about the letter burning a hole in her skirt pocket. She joined in the lively debate and to her relief, found herself actually having a good time.
After the last guest left and Sally was tucked away in the spare room, Dan pounced.
"Something is bothering you and don't bother denying it. I used to be a cop you know!"
Joeanne grinned in spite of everything. "Oooh, does that mean you're going to interrogate me until I crack?" She let out a squeal when he playfully grabbed her, flinging them both back on the sofa.
"Dan...Sally could come out here any second," she warned when his hand wandered underneath her skirt.
"Damn it...why couldn't you be an only child like me?" Dan joked, reluctantly withdrawing his hand. He settled for putting his arms around her and nuzzling her neck. "Now for the questioning. What's up, honey? Everybody had a good time. Just like I told you they would." He smiled indulgently. As long as there was free food and booze, what was there to worry about? He never could understand the fussing that went on at these kinds of affairs.
"I know. It isn't that," Joeanne said. To her dismay as well as Dan's, she started crying.
"Hey," Dan said, his eyes filled with concern. He pulled her close and cuddled her against his chest. "What's wrong, baby? I can't stand it when you cry. Is it something I did?"
"No," Joeanne got out. She lifted her head and wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to give him the letter. She wanted to throw it in the fire and make love to him until they were both gasping for air. She never wanted to hear the name 'Hallie Belden' again. She slowly reached into her pocket. "Here," she choked, struggling to her feet and leaving the room. She went down the hall to their bedroom and softly closed the door behind her before Dan had a chance to react.
Dan stared at the letter in his hands, recognizing the handwriting at once. He immediately rose and went to the closed bedroom door, opening it without pause. Joeanne was sitting on the edge of the bed staring into space.
"Joeanne, where did you get this? Did Hallie come to see you?" His voice was filled concern and something more; suppressed anger.
"No. Hallie gave it to Trixie, who gave it to me. Joeanne looked at him and felt something in her loosen at the expression in his eyes. He was so clearly worried for her she felt her heart swell. Dan made as if to tear the letter in half and she reacted instantly.
"No! Don't do that." At Dan's incredulous look she went on quickly. "You'll always wonder what it said."
Dan sank next to her and took her in his arms. "No, I won't. You're the only one who matters." He kissed her and stroked her hair.
"You told me once she was a good friend of yours." Joeanne laid her head on his shoulder.
"Yeah," Dan said. "She is. Was..."
"I think you should read the letter. I can leave the room if you want."
Dan shook his head. "No. I don't think we should hide anything from each other. If I'm going to read this thing, I want you to hear it too. Okay?" At her nod, he opened the envelope and read.
Dear Dan,
I know this can't mean much, but I just want to say again how sorry I am for everything. I know how wrong it was for me to do that, and I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't expect to forgive myself either.
I hope you and Joeanne are very happy together. Believe it or not, all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.
I pray we can be friends again someday, but I'll understand if we can't.
Take care,
Hallie
That was all. Dan slowly refolded the paper and put it back in the envelope, laying it on the nightstand.
"Do you?" Joeanne asked, watching him closely.
"What?"
"Forgive her?"
Dan didn't say anything, his dark eyes thoughtful. Where would he be, but for the forgiveness he'd received in his own life? He was a strong believer in second chances. But would forgiving Hallie ruin his chances with Joeanne? He couldn't let that happen. He felt torn up inside as his instincts warred against each other.
Joeanne took a deep breath. "Dan, I'm not going to take it the wrong way if you do." The words were hard for her, and she couldn't help feeling scared at Dan's visible relief. How much did Hallie really mean to him? I'm not going to take this the wrong way. I'm not going to take this the wrong way. Oh crap!
"Good. Because Joeanne, I want to. I'm not all the way there yet, but I want to." He started rubbing the back of her neck. "If people hadn't forgiven me for the crap I pulled in my life, I wouldn't even be here now. I might not even be alive.
Joeanne threw her arms around him, and they held each other for a long moment, words completely unnecessary.
"Will it bother you if we ever become friends again?" Dan finally asked.
Joeanne buried her face into his neck. "I have to be honest. I feel really primitive whenever I think of Hallie Belden." She didn't care how bad it sounded. "You're mine." She let out a moan when he fell back on the bed, pulling her on top of him.
"I'm yours," he agreed, beginning to remove her sweater set. He managed to get both pieces up over her head and threw them on the floor. He moved on to the zipper on the back of her black skirt.
Joeanne smiled, her insecurity disappearing as heat replaced the chill that had momentarily settled onto her heart. "Good. Because I don't plan on giving you back." She didn't know what tomorrow would bring, and she found she didn't care. It was enough that he was here and that two formerly lost and lonely souls could have all the now they could handle.
Dan's heart leapt at her playful response. "See that you don't," he managed to say as she began to repay the favor and remove his clothing. "And you know, I like a girl who knows how to be primitive!"
Joeanne glanced over her shoulder and smiled--they had remembered to close the door. "Good thing," she purred, beginning to rain kisses all over his face. "That is a very good thing!"
The End
Note: Trixie Belden® is a registered trademark of Random House Books. These pages are not affiliated with Random House Books in any way. These pages are not for profit. All stories copyright © Mary, 2007 - 2012. All rights reserved.