Warning – This chapter is self-edited, so read at your own peril!

Secret Spaces of the Gods

Chapter 5

It hit Trixie in an instant that the back pain she’d been suffering from was no ordinary back pain. She’d just been so worried about Jim that it didn’t register.

She stifled another cry, gasping as her mother led her over to the waiting room couch and helped her sit.

“I’m going to have Dr. Patel paged. You just sit right there. Everything is going to be fine,” Mrs. Belden said. Trixie was simultaneously relieved at her mother’s tone and amused at the looks of sheer panic filling the faces of her father, Mart and Mr. Wheeler.  And even Brian. I suppose it’s different when it’s your own sister she thought. She took several deep breaths, squeezing Honey’s hand as she sat next to her. Three weeks early is not a catastrophe. I’m sure everything is fine. Calm down, she kept telling herself.

“You had to be a drama queen, didn’t you?” Honey said, giving her a reassuring grin.

Trixie tried to smile, but another pain hit her and it was quite some time before she could reply. “Oh Honey! Jim’s going to miss it!” she said. She felt as if she could deliver the baby right there. She looked at Honey and smiled almost shyly. “Would you be in the delivery room with me?” she asked.

Honey’s eyes filled with tears, and she nodded. “I’d be honored to.”

Mrs. Belden returned with a nurse who was pushing a wheelchair.

“Who’s having a baby?” the nurse asked with a wide grin.

“Heh heh,” Trixie said weakly. She allowed Honey and her mother to help her into the chair with a grimace. Everyone except for the Wheelers followed and she almost laughed at the picture they must be making—one extremely pregnant woman and her entourage sailing down the hallway to the elevators.

“We’ll stay with Jim,” Madeleine Wheeler called after them, giving Trixie an encouraging look in answer to her smile of gratitude.

Dr. Patel couldn’t resist teasing one of her favorite patients. “You’re supposed to be experienced with this. Know what you’re doing. And here you are ready for the delivery room!”

Trixie, huffing through the contractions that kept coming was hardly surprised that she was ready to deliver. She tried to smile at the doctor but her eyes filled with tears instead.

Dr. Patel patted her hand. “Papa’s going to be so happy when he sees the baby,” she said, rightly guessing Trixie’s unhappiness. Because her practice was right in the hospital, she was aware of Jim’s illness and knew why he wasn’t with her now.

Trixie nodded jerkily. “I know, but…”

“We’ve got a good, strong fetal heartbeat and you’re fully dilated. Let’s take you in.”

Trixie stared at the ceiling as she was wheeled into Delivery, her mother and Honey’s voices drifting pleasantly over her head. She was glad they were there, but couldn’t stop thinking about the day Katy was born.

It had begun after dinner. They were cuddling on the couch when she felt the first undeniable contraction. There was no pain—it was more like a tightening, a pressure that extended through her middle and into her pelvis.

She wouldn’t let Jim take her to the hospital; she knew that it was bound to be hours before she needed to be there and preferred the comfort of her own home. They even managed to sleep awhile until Trixie nudged Jim awake several hours later when the pains grew closer together.

Trixie had wondered what all the fuss was about—there was pain, certainly, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She focused on her breathing like she learned in her Lamaze class, riding through each contraction then smiling reassuringly at Jim.

Then the pain had accelerated as her time grew nearer, and she could no longer suppress an occasional sound of pain.

She breathed. She focused. But it felt like the baby was doing the backstroke and was hanging between her knees. She was in the delivery room by now, the urge to push more overwhelming than anything she had ever experienced in her life. The largest contraction by far hit her full force and she clutched Jim’s hand, involuntarily letting out a loud, pain-filled moan as she felt the baby begin to move out of her.

And her big, strong husband crumpled silently to the floor.

He was revived immediately by a grinning nurse, Jim’s face as red as his hair as he resumed his position at Trixie’s right side. “Sorry,” he mumbled, not quite able to look at her.

“You’re not the first dad to get light-headed in here, and you won’t be the last,” Dr. Patel had said. She looked down at Trixie and gave her a smile. “One more big push now, Mom.”

Trixie managed to laugh between gasps. “Serves you right for knocking me up in the first place!” she said to Jim.

And so it was that Katje Helen Frayne was born to the sound of laughter intermingling with her healthy cries.

“You have a beautiful baby girl,” Dr. Patel said. It seemed like an eternity before she lay the small, warm bundle on Trixie’s chest, and the baby’s cries immediately tapered into the occasional “heh heh” sound as she felt the familiar warmth of her mother’s body cradling her. “Hey there, baby girl,” Trixie crooned.

Trixie could see that Jim’s hand was shaking as he lightly stroked his new daughter, leaning in and kissing Trixie as he did so. He didn’t speak, then, but Trixie had always been able to tell what he was thinking. Her love for him tripled and she knew a special pride that she had been able to give him the one thing that he had never stopped longing for.

“She’s so beautiful…just like her mother,” Jim finally said, looking deeply into Trixie’s eyes.

They both gazed down at the baby, and Trixie stroked her tiny, wrinkled forehead and satiny cheek for a moment. Katje, or Katy as they planned on calling her looked completely worn out, and Trixie reflected that being born must be just as tiring as giving birth.

“She looks a lot like you, too,” she said. She felt a warm electrical current pass through her, connecting herself, the baby and Jim; an endless moment of unspoiled joy and rightness. Where before there had been an empty space in the world, suddenly there was Katy, who was part Trixie, part Jim and all herself. “She looks like both of us,” she concluded softly.

“How you doing there, Mom?” Dr. Patel said, breaking into her thoughts.

Trixie glanced at her mother, who was standing to her right. Moms’ eyes were luminous and far away and Trixie could tell that she was having a few memories of her own. Honey was on her other side and Trixie could see that her dearest friend in the world was also fighting back tears.

“Trixie? You doing okay there?” Dr. Patel said.

Trixie turned her focus on the doctor.  “I’m okay,” she managed to say. “But I really need to push.” Her forehead was wet with strain and she could hear small moans breaking from her. “Please, I really need to push!” She felt her mother wipe her forehead then gently dab at a tear that was rolling down her cheek.

Dr. Patel nodded. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go, because somebody is mighty anxious to join the land of the living!”

 ***

When Jim finally awoke from his long, healing sleep, he was surprised to see his mother and dad sitting by his bed, watching him.

“How you feeling, son?” his father asked.

Jim took an internal inventory. “Not too bad,” he said. “Weak.”

“You gave us quite a scare,” his mother said, her voice shaky. She stood up and leaned over him, brushing a kiss on his forehead.

“Sorry,” Jim said. His eyes took on a haunted expression as he thought about how Katy must have felt, finding him sick and unresponsive. “More sorry than you’ll ever know,” he muttered.

Jim blinked, trying to figure out how much time had passed. Morning light had filled the room before, but now the blinds were closed and the room artificially lit. “Did Trixie go home to sleep?” he asked.

His parents glanced at each other.

“What? What’s wrong?” Jim asked.

His mother sat by his bed again and took his hand. “Everything’s fine,” she started.

But Jim had seen their shared look and knew something was going on. “Where’s Trixie?” he demanded.

“She’s just fine. Everybody’s fine. She’s had the baby, son.” Matthew Wheeler made his voice as hearty as he knew how to make it.

Jim’s body jerked and he involuntarily tried to rise, letting out a moan as he felt the weakness fill him. To his complete consternation he could feel tears of frustration begin to form and blinked them furiously back.

His mother stroked his cheek for a moment. “She’s just beautiful, Jim.”

“Sh-she?” he said.

His mother smiled. “As usual, Katy manages to get her way. She wanted a little sister and now she’s got one.” She silently watched as a myriad of emotions crossed over Jim’s face and knew he was feeling a mix of joy over the birth and disappointment over missing it. “It’s okay Jim. Everything is wonderful. Trixie is doing just fine. She told me to tell you that she loves you very much.”

Longing filled him. “Can’t I go see them?” he asked.

His father frowned. “I don’t know if you’re up to it, son.”

Jim shook his head, frustrated. “I’m as weak as a kitten,” he admitted. Even with everything that was going on, it was becoming a strain to keep his eyes open.

Dr. Brandt entered the room, smiling to see Jim awake. “I hear congratulations are in order,” she said, her voice warm. She walked to the opposite side of Jim’s bed and put her stethoscope against his chest. She listened for a moment then nodded. “Sounds good. How do you feel?”

“Why am I so tired? I just woke up and I’m ready to sleep again,” Jim complained.

“Your body’s been under a major attack. You’ve had to utilize all of your energy stores to fight it off and it takes time to rebuild them again.” She picked up Jim’s chart and made a few notations.

“I understand. But it’s just so frustrating. My wife has had our child and I can’t even be with them. And I need to see my other daughter and make sure she’s all right. Everyone keeps telling me she’s fine, but I need to see her for myself.” Jim was ashamed at the almost petulant tone he heard creeping into his voice, but Dr. Brandt looked completely understanding.

“I appreciate how you feel, but if you try and do too much at this stage it could be dangerous for you.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “Let’s do this. Get some rest and I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours. We’ll see if a little ride down to the Maternity Ward can be arranged. How’s that?”

Jim smiled, feeling happier. “Perfectly perfect,” he said, borrowing his sister’s favorite expression.

Dr. Brandt laughed. “Well, you can’t top that,” she said.

***

“She’s real small!” Katy said to her mother. She shared Trixie’s hospital bed, sitting next to her and watching as her mother breast-fed her new sister.

“I don’t care what strings you have to pull, but Katy is not going to be separated from me,” Trixie had told her brother Brian. “She’s been through enough and it will only scare her if she can’t be with me.” Dr. Patel readily agreed and now Katy snuggled contentedly at her mother’s side.

“Do you like her, angel?” Madeleine Diana Frayne was a little small, but otherwise perfectly healthy. Trixie wondered if her eyes would stay blue, or if they would turn green like her big sister’s.

Katy nodded vigorously. “Mmm hmmm! When will she be able to play with me?”

“Well, not for awhile. But she’s sure going to like having her big sister around.”

“Does that hurt, Mommy?” Katy’s eyes grew wide at the baby’s rambunctious sucking.

Trixie laughed reassuringly. “No, angel. It’s just fine. I fed you the same way when you were born, you know.” She laughed again at Katy’s incredulous expression.

“Nuh uh!” the little girl protested.

“Oh yes,” her mother told her.

The baby fell asleep at her mother’s breast and Trixie gently shifted her to her shoulder and patted her back a few times before lowering her back to her original position.

“Is she gonna cry a lot?” Katy asked.

Trixie leaned over and kissed her. “She will whenever she’s hungry or tired. Or wet. Or if she doesn’t feel good. Just like you did.” Trixie smiled and kissed her again. “And still do!”

Katy giggled. “I don’t cry!”

“Never?”

Katy considered the question. “Well, only when I hurt my finger.” She had gotten her finger caught in a drawer right before Trixie had left on her DC trip.

Trixie chuckled at the memory. “You sure can holler!” she told her oldest daughter. She closed her eyes, sighing with contentment. She had almost drifted off when a worried little voice spoke.

“Mommy…”

“What is it, Katy?” She glanced over and could see that Katy was struggling with what she wanted to say.

“I have to share, huh?”

“Share what, angel?” Trixie smiled indulgently. “It’s going to be a long time before she can play with any of your toys.” She could see immediately that that wasn’t what Katy was thinking of, and awareness filled her. “Do you mean me and Daddy?” she asked the small girl next to her.

Katy looked torn. She was proud to be the 'Big Sister' and wanted to do it just right, but she wasn’t too sure if she liked the thought of sharing. Miss Lozano, her nursery school teacher, always told them that it was important to share. And usually Katy, a generous little soul, didn’t mind. But this was different. She nodded at her mother, looking down and away from her.

Trixie carefully laid the baby down in the small space between them. “Come here,” she said, holding out her arms. “Watch out for the baby.”

Katy moved down to the foot of the bed and around her sister so she could scramble into her mother’s embrace. Trixie shifted until she was in the middle of the bed then tucked the baby into her left arm, holding Katy with her right. “You know what’s really neat about love?” she asked.

Katy cuddled against her. “What?”

Trixie kissed the top of her head. “It just gets bigger and bigger. There’s always going to be more than enough for you and your sister. You don’t have to share anything. Daddy and I will always love you both the same.”

“Really, Mommy?”

Trixie hugged her close. “Really. Remember when we watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?” When Katy nodded she continued, “And remember at the end when the Grinch is happy and his heart gets bigger? It’s kind of like that.”

Katy looked up at her and she looked so much like Jim that Trixie felt a huge lump form in her throat. She shyly poked between her mother breasts. “But wouldn’t your heart get too big to fit in there?”

Trixie’s eyes filled with tears as she gathered her two daughters close to her ever-growing heart. “Sometimes it feels just like that, angel. Sometimes it feels just exactly like that!”

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Because you know I have to have one of my standard, smushy epilogues!  :)

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