Ack, more self-editing. But this is what happens when you put off writing for so long that you don’t want to wait another minute before posting it!
Thanks go to Carol and to my "non-Trixie friend" Cathy for sharing their observations about little children with me.
Secret Spaces of the Gods
Epilogue
Tomorrow leave the windows open
As fear grows please hold me in your arms
Won't you help me if you can to shake this anger
I need your gentle hands to keep me calm
--Elton John
Trixie hung up the phone beside her hospital bed and turned to her oldest daughter who was watching cartoons while sitting in a nearby chair. “Guess who’s coming to see us?”
Katy tore her eyes away from the roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. “Grandma?” she guessed.
Trixie smiled “No. Your daddy!” She waited with pleasure for Katy’s delight and was shocked when the little girl paled and bit her lip. “Katy! What is it, angel? I thought you wanted to see Daddy.”
Katy shook her head.
Trixie was genuinely shocked. “What do you mean, no?”
Katy’s eyes filled with tears, but Trixie could tell by the set of her jaw that she was determined. “I don’t want to play that game anymore,” she finally said, resolutely turning her gaze back onto the TV.
Trixie clicked the program off with the remote. “Katy, come here.”
Katy shook her head.
“Come here, NOW.”
Katy slowly scuffled up to her mother’s side, letting her gaze focus on her new sister who peered up at her from Trixie’s lap.
“What do you mean, you don’t want to play?” Trixie made her voice gentle and could see her daughter’s relief at the change in tone, regretting her earlier sharpness.
Katy raised her eyes. “I tried to wake him and he wouldn’t. I shook him and everything!”
Trixie reached out a hand and stroked the curls off of her face. “Angel, Daddy wasn’t trying to play a game with you. He couldn’t help it. He was real sick.”
Katy’s face got a set, stubborn look that Trixie had no trouble recognizing. She had seen the same, exact look on her own husband’s face over the years. “I was scared!” she said in an accusing tone.
Trixie finally understood. “Oh Katy, I know you were. I was too.” She patted the bed and waited until Katy was sitting next to her. “Don’t be mad at Daddy, Angel.”
Katy looked surprised and Trixie smothered a smile with great effort. She remembered being surprised at how Moms always knew what she was thinking, too. “Don’t be mad anymore. He didn’t mean to do it. He’s going to be really upset if he thinks you’re mad at him. You don’t want that, do you?” She put an arm around Katy and gave her a squeeze.
“Do you?” she repeated. She could almost feel the wheels turning in Katy’s head as the little girl looked thoughtful and far away.
“No,” Katy finally said, poking her thumb in her mouth, something she hadn’t done in years.
Trixie gently removed the thumb and kissed it, relieved for both Jim and Katy’s sake. And Katy’s decision was none too soon—Trixie could hear the sound of footsteps approaching the room. Her smile lit up the room when Dr. Brandt entered, pushing the wheelchair in which Jim sat. Her eyes drank in the sight of his pale, lanky form.
“Somebody couldn’t wait another second before visiting,” the doctor said with a smile. She patted Jim’s shoulder and quickly left them in privacy.
“Hey,” Trixie said around the huge lump in her throat. It was all she could think of to say and she hoped her smile conveyed the rest of what she was feeling. She felt as if she could never get tired of the sight of Jim awake, even if he looked horribly pale and haggard.
‘Hey,” Jim repeated huskily. He looked at the sleeping baby in Trixie’s lap and smiled, his gaze moving to his other daughter as he wheeled closer to the bed. “How are my three g…” He broke off as Katy gave him one frightened look and burrowed into her mother, crying.
Trixie gave him a helpless look as she put both her arms around the little girl. She crooned at her for a moment before turning back to Jim. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” she whispered. “We were talking just before you arrived and she admitted that she was a little mad at you, but that’s all over now. She knows you didn’t mean to scare her before.” Trixie hated the look of despair filling Jim’s face and wished she could remove her own tongue. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that.”
Jim slowly shook his head. “It’s okay. And I understand it. Believe me, I understand it.”
Trixie wondered at the look of recognition flickering behind his expressive, green eyes and made a mental note to ask him about it later. She turned her attention back to her oldest daughter. “Shhh. What is it? What’s wrong?” She had to bend her head to hear Katy’s whispered reply.
“What? What is it?” Jim asked.
Trixie reached out a hand and brushed a piece of bright red hair back from Jim's white forehead. “Oh baby, it’s just…you don’t look…”
“Like myself. I must look pretty damn bad, ” Jim said. He reached over Trixie and rumpled Katy’s hair. “I look pretty terrible, don’t I sweetie? But I feel a lot better. I promise.”
Katy lifted her head. “You do?” she asked tearfully.
Jim nodded. “I do. I just need to go home and have some of Mommy’s cooking.” He held out his arms. “Now, come here and tell me all about your new sister.”
Katy brightened noticeably and her look of fear completely disappeared as she scampered off the bed and raced around it to climb into her father’s lap. “She’s real small, but I like her!” she said, leaning back against him. They both looked down at baby Maddie. “I’m the big sister,” she said.
Jim smiled at her prideful tone. “You sure are,” he said. He rested his chin on Katy's head. “I’m just sorry I missed seeing her come into the world,” he said. He was speaking to Katy, but looking at Trixie.
Trixie smiled. “It’s not like you don’t have the ultimate excuse,” she said. Her tone was light, but her eyes were unmistakably regretful.
Jim reached over and lightly stroked her cheekbone with his knuckle. “And what’s your excuse? This baby wasn’t due for another couple of weeks. Do you always have to rush into everything?” he teased.
Trixie grinned at him. “I just couldn’t wait to meet her. What can I say?” She continued to smile as he reached down, carefully picking the baby up and brushing a kiss on the tiny forehead before cradling her in the crook of his arm.
Jim studied the baby for a long moment. “She looks a lot like my mother,” he finally said. He looked at Trixie and she could see a look of wonderment in his eyes. “Her eyes are blue, but she looks a lot like her.” He carefully stroked the baby’s downy head as she looked up at her father almost as if she too was trying to figure him out. Her small rosebud mouth pursed and she began to root against him, her mouth opening and closing.
Jim laughed. “You’re in for a big disappointment, little girl!” He handed the baby over to Trixie so she could feed her, laughing as Katy said, “Boy, she sure eats a lot. She eats all of the time!”
“That’s her job,” Jim told the small girl. He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. “Katy, Daddy’s real sorry he scared you. You know I wouldn’t do that to you on purpose, don’t you?”
"Mmm hmm," Katy said in a muffled voice.
Jim kissed her cheek. "I don't blame you for being kind of mad at me. But that's all over now, right sweetie?"
Katy nodded against his chest. “Let’s go home. I don’t think I like it here.”
“Soon,” Trixie promised. Her eyes met Jim’s and she took a deep breath. “Real soon.”
Dr. Brandt came back into the room. “I think it’s time for you to go back to your room,” she said with a friendly smile.
Katy clung to her father. “No!”
Jim gave her one last squeeze and set her down. “It’s okay, sweetheart. The more I rest, the sooner I get to go home. Right, Dr. Brandt?”
Dr. Brandt almost smiled at the murderous look Katy gave her. She supposed she kind of was the bad guy in this scenario. “That’s right.” She looked at the little girl and let her eyes twinkle. “Do you think if you came back with your Daddy that he would be good and go right to sleep?”
Katy's momentary anger melted away and she beamed and nodded as the doctor explained that Jim was being moved into a private room out of the ICU, which meant that little girls like Katy were allowed to visit.
“Thank you, Dr. Brandt.” Trixie glanced at Katy and smiled at the older woman, conveying her gratitude. "You don't know what this means."
“I’m just doing my job,” the doctor replied. She lifted Katy up and set her back in Jim’s lap. “And I think I do know what it means. I’m criticized occasionally, but I don’t think keeping families apart is the best thing for a patient’s recovery.” She ruffled Katy’s hair. “But you’ll be a good girl and come back here when I tell you to, won’t you, little miss?”
Jim took one last look at Trixie with their baby in her arms. “You did real good, Shamus,” he whispered before kissing her cheek. “I just wish I had been there with you.”
Trixie smiled at him as he was wheeled out, Katy waving
happily at her as the door closed behind them. She looked down at baby Maddie,
who continued to blissfully nurse. “You were with me. You were with me every
second,” she said aloud. She leaned back against her pillows and thought about
the four of them back at Ten Acres, wondering if there was any word in the
English language lovelier than that of family.
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